Why Women Have Sex: Understanding Sexual Motivations from Adventure to Revenge

Men answering this query would respond “Is this a trick question?”. But, as usual, women turn out to be more complicated — or more insightful. This book entails a fascinating compilation of survey results tied together with threads from evolutionary and interpersonal psychology.
Rating: 5 / 5

I loved this well-written look regarding women’s decisions whether to hop on our sexual motorcycles and do the deed. This is EXTREMELY IMPORTANT INFORMATION for heterosexual men to know since we are charged with the vitally important task of initiating the procreation of our species. Lesbians will find it informative, and women too.

Surprisingly the book is based on a somewhat flawed research design but the book adroitly shifts focus, and uses the initial research as an entree into an entertaining discussion of sex research, mostly from the past fifty years. So the book is perhaps better seen as an overview of new developments regarding the field of sex research, with findings from related fields such as evolutionary biology and psychology, but with a focus on women’s reasons for having sex. The result is INTERESTING and difficult to read without being in some state of arousal.

The study itself, however, was lackluster. Funds are tight; so the authors did an online study by placing advertisements asking women to participate in their confidential assessment. What I couldn’t fathom, based on the authors’ description of the survey design, was how the authors were sure that survey respondents were indeed women. How did they confirm this? If anybody could participate and say they were a “woman”, what check was done to ensure that this was, indeed, the case? There was mention that this research was done in addition to an earlier quantitative study, but there was little mention of how this earlier study was done. An ideal research design would have been to select respondents randomly based on a national sample (chosen to reflect the universe of adult American women), but surveys of this nature can be expensive; in this case, respondents self-selected themselves. This can distort the results, since persons choosing to talk about their innermost motivations are likely to be highly different from people in general. Many of the responses were by youngish women (under 25) and seemed to over-sample college-age women who, arguably, don’t have as much experience as others.

But the survey was oriented not on the women themselves, but on a list of 237 motivations or reasons for possibly having sex. So the survey focused not on people but on motivations. Had they ever had sex for one of these 237 reasons? And if they did, respondents were asked to elaborate about the circumstances. So this choice side-stepped the whole issue of trying to quantify which motivations were more important and instead fleshed out women’s motivations for having sex. There was a risk that the authors would give each motivation equal weight. Still, this focus worked well to uncover, so to speak, how women analyze their motivations. What reasons do they give for doing the deed? What rationales cross their minds afterwards?

There was an insight in an excellent book called “How to Succeed with Women, Revised and Updated” to the effect that most women don’t really know (on some deep level) why they decide to have sex, and I think there is some truth to this. They get an urge, act upon it, and offer different reasons afterwards; clearly, this is how men probably think about it. But this question about self-assessment of motivation applies not just to women but to people in general — do we really know WHY we do what we do? We’re conscious of our hungers and appetites, but it’s hard to pinpoint why we do things precisely.

Still, this book is an interesting foray into these rationales buttressed by the latest findings from related disciplines, with intelligent and fetching commentary from pop culture at times. Having two authors — one of each sex — was a definite plus. The result is enlightening. The book offers a smorgasbord of reasons why now is whoopie time: (1) it will help you, my dear, see God (2) it will CURE your headache (3) it will STRENGTHEN our connection (4) it will cause your girlfriends to respect you MORE (5) you’ll experience what the fuss is about and (6) you’ll enjoy beneficial physical effects (a workout for abdominal muscles) and on and on. There are 237 reasons. Men: learn every reason; so, armed with this knowledge, on that key second date, you can whip out an assortment of reasons to tease an on-the-fence look in her eye. Who knows? Perhaps reason #47 will magically unlock the entrance to the cave of sweetness, and enable you, too, to SEE GOD.

Thomas W. Sulcer

author of Common Sense II: How to Prevent the Three Types of Terrorism (Amazon/Kindle)

free pdf if requested by email

Rating: 5 / 5