More often than not, we look at sex as a form of entertainment, rather than a path of personal enhancement and spiritual bonding with our partner. This is not surprising. Our careers, emotional insecurities and general distaste for all that is not immediately within grasp don’t allow us any other attitude. When it comes to actual sex, the preoccupation with attaining orgasm often overrides all other considerations.
However, tantric sex focuses on some very different aspects of sexual union between two human beings. Apart from placing high importance on offering pleasure to our lover too, tantra and tantric sex aims to break down any physical, spiritual and emotional barriers that may exist between partners.
While instructing on tantra for couples, the tantra teacher’s objective is to bring about changes that elevate the relationship of his pupils at the subliminal level. The aim here is to divest the relationship of all selfishness and angst, and to make it a spiritual experience that brings the two partners closer together than ever before.
A tantra teacher guiding a couple on the intricacies of tantra sex will constantly emphasize that the partners must approach the sex act with appropriate reverence and respect. This is never more true than when they are setting out to practice sex-oriented tantra techniques.
The Bedroom As A Tantra Temple
To begin with, the transition from a merely carnal to a spiritual approach to sex can most definitely not take place in a commonplace setting. An unmade bed in a depressingly untidy bedroom may be okay for soulless quickies, but such a background is unsuitable for the practice of tantric sex. The bed should comfortable, and the bed sheets and pillowcases clean. Incense or aromatic oils should perfume the room to elevate the senses and soothe the spirit. The lighting should be soft and flattering to the human form – not bright and harsh in a way that highlights every blemish and imperfection.
Ensure utter and uncompromising privacy. Nothing and nobody must distract you from what you are about to do for each other. You are each others’ world – the rest of the world must be suspended and eliminated. Switch off all communication devices, and also the doorbell. The stage is now set for creating an intimate connection between the two partners. They can now proceed to begin on the primary tantra techniques that their tantra master has instructed them in.
Focus On The Journey – Not The Destination
In tantra sex, there is no destination – the journey is all. At all times, the couple must remember that it is not about attaining orgasm, but about creating, maintaining and heightening their intimacy to an act of loving, erotic worship. The intimacy exercises they will engage in are not merely foreplay, but erotic tantra rituals.
Holding each other’s gaze as much as possible is vitally important. The eyes are the windows of the soul – and as your tantra teacher has told you, it is a soul connection that you are striving for here. You will find that prolonged eye contact at all stages of tantric lovemaking will also sustain the sexual ecstasy and energy for much longer than would otherwise be possible.
Do not hurry into intercourse. Rather, indulge each other with soft, gentle kisses for at least twenty minutes. Avoid direct genital contact for that period. If you are uncomfortable with utter silence in this period, whisper tender words of endearment to each other. Communicate your love and cherishment for each other by verbal and nonverbal means. If you find yourself being swept away by desire to launch into intercourse, concentrate on your breathing. Avoid hyperventilating; engage in tantra breathing, softly and evenly.
This is the very first stage of tantra sex, and it must not be circumvented. Divine sexual bliss awaits as you slowly segue into the more intense erotic techniques and tantra positions taught to you by your tantra teacher.
