Sexually Shy: The Inhibited Woman’s Guide To Good Sex

I was disappointed. All obvious stuff. After reading the reviews I thought I would learn something new. I didn’t.
Rating: 2 / 5

I really liked the title of this book – “Sexually Shy” – but it ought to be called “The Inhibited Slut” because that is what the author has made of herself with her insensitive, inaccurate, insecure approach to sex.

She encourages women to release their “inner slut” (her term), and most of the rest of the book consists of her advice on how to act more slutty.

Unfortunately, being able to act like a slut doesn’t really make a woman less inhibited. Actually, I think it is more often a symptom of insecurity – desperate to escape her inhibitions, she swings to the opposite extreme. This is a common problem when people try to change by getting rid of a character trait they don’t like; they accidentally replace it with a trait that is different, but not necessarily better. The truly well-adjusted, I’d imagine, don’t need to go so far.

Worse, though she claims that she is encouraging “sexual confidence” (a good thing), in reality most of her tips seem to be about how to inure yourself to things you find uncomfortable. She also takes a “my way or no way” approach to the whole idea of sex, seeming to imply that those who disagree with what she thinks is sexually acceptable actually have a problem themselves. She really lacks empathy for other inhibited women. For instance, she insists that masturbation is “required” for sexual empowerment and that anyone who doesn’t do it “doesn’t know what they’re missing”. She suggests making “your man” watch you masturbate and then states that “if you have a guy that doesn’t respond well to this, know that he is insecure”. Regarding sex positions that some women might dislike or feel uncomfortable about, she blithely claims “don’t knock it til you try it”. She also frequently mentions the way she dealt with things she used to find uncomfortable (e.g. oral sex, pornography, anal sex) – she just kept exposing herself to them until eventually she felt they were “not a big deal”.

She uses this phrase “not a big deal” quite a lot throughout the book, which I think is very indicative of the kind of results her approach really has.

Finally, she perpetuates the untrue, negative stereotypes about male sexuality – implying that all men just want sex and it is so easy to please them. For example, when wondering “what does a woman have to do to turn [a man] on?” – she answers, “Show up.” She also says that “it usually doesn’t take much convincing for a man to play along with [any sexual fantasy].” She addresses the broad topic of body image issues by saying that all men think that “if she’s naked, I might get lucky” so they don’t even care what you look like. What a shallow and inconsiderate attitude.

For your own good, avoid this book.
Rating: 1 / 5

I’m glad I found this book. It’s really down to earth and written in a very non-judgmental and easy to understand style. It’s just about overcoming inhibition and doesn’t bog you down with all sorts of psychobabble. I really enjoyed it.
Rating: 5 / 5